I wave to the parking lot attendant as I roll down my window.
“Where you headed?” He asks.
“Jones Waldo,” I reply.
“Alright, go right in and park anywhere to your right.”
“Sounds good. Thank you.” I respond.
I pull forward and my mind begins wondering. As I drive through the tall parking garage, and begin walking into my attorney’s office…I find myself in disbelief. I never would have imagined myself taking the elevator up to the same floor I’ve been to many times now…floor 15…to discuss the passing of my husband and daughter. I’ve walked this familiar path many times, but the reality of my day to day activities sometimes hits me with such force that my heart stops…
Yep this is it. This is part of my life.
The elevator doors open to the neat and tidy reception area.
“Can I help you?” the girl at the front desk asks sweetly.
“Yep, I’m here to see Gooch. Jeff Gooch.” I respond with a smile.
She picks up the phone to notify him that I’m here.
“He’ll be right up,” she then replies.
I sit on the white, sleek, modern sofa and stare out the large window overlooking the city and a sad sigh escapes my lips.
I hear the ‘ding’ of the elevator and soon see a tall, large man walking toward me with a smile on his face.
As much as I dislike coming to these appointments, I’ve grown to really like Gooch. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who can make me cry harder than I ever thought possible, but smile more genuinely than I thought I could. Jeff has become a good friend over the last year. And I honestly believe he feels the same way.
“Alyssa! It’s always good to see you! How are you doing?” He says warmly in his loud rumbling voice.
“Hi Jeff! I’m doing pretty good,” I reply…but to be honest I really dislike our appointments because usually I walk away red eyed and puffy faced.
“Well let’s head down to my office and talk about a few things.”
I follow Jeff down the hall, to the elevators, down the hall, around the corner, down the hall, around the corner…
I’ve been here how many times now and I still get all sorts of confused in this place. Finally we reach Carlyn’s desk…Jeff’s Paralegal. He won’t mind me saying this, but she’s really the one who does all the work.
“Hi Alyssa!” she says kindly, as she peeks out of her office doorway.
We sit down around the table in Jeff’s office. And he begins asking me some questions regarding legal matters. After we finish our legal discussion, Jeff leans back in his chair and asks,
“How do you do it? How do you amaze me each time I talk to you?”
“You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met.”
“I mean… I’m not trying to make you cry or be sad…I do that enough as it is…but how do you go home at night and not feel completely alone?”
I look up from staring at my hands and into his face…here we go…I can already feel my eyes welling up with tears.
“I do go home feeling lonely. I do feel helpless at times,” I respond.
“But I know there is a plan. I’ve know the plan from the beginning…I just can’t remember all the details right now.”
“You kind of sound like a Buddhist, you know that?” he chuckles.
“Haha well, I don’t really believe in predestination…but I do believe in free agency…and I chose to come to Earth and experience all of life’s joys, pains, trials, and adventures.”
“Well, Miss Chambers… you are pretty awesome…because I am one who has to know the plan and every detail to that plan.”
“I’d like to know the plan and every detail too…but I’m ok with walking by faith for now.”
It’s a new year. New goals. New experiences. New trials. New setbacks. New adventures. New triumphs.
I got a new purse for Christmas and decided to move all of my junk over to the ‘new’ purse. Now, the new purse is a little smaller, has fewer pockets, and is a different shape and color.
I began transferring all of my things over to the new purse one morning before work and soon found that it wasn’t all going to fit.
“This isn’t going to work,” I thought to myself, “I need all of this stuff.”
“I know I said I wanted a smaller purse…but what good is a purse if you can’t have everything you want and need in it?”
I sat there staring at my new purse…which was now bursting at the seams…and I still couldn’t fit everything I thought that needed.
- Eight sticks of chap stick or lip stick
- Picture frame hooks
- Hair bows and hair elastics
- Old credit cards
- Old receipts
- Three bottles of hand sanitizer
The list actually goes on…but those are only some of the things I really wished I had room for…haha. I really liked my new purse and I knew that there was no way I could fit everything in it. So I picked some of the essentials to go inside. Maybe instead of eight sticks of chapstick , I could make do with one. And maybe I didn’t need wads of old receipts and credit cards. Let’s be honest…three hand sanitizers is sort of crazy.
I’ve thought about how the new year is a lot like my conversation with Gooch and even more like my new purse.
I don’t know what the new year will bring. I’d like to know every little detail of my future and be able to plan for the setback and disappointments … but how much would I actually gain and how much would I really grow? I’d like to be in on the plan Heavenly Father has for me…
But do you know what?
I really am ok with walking by faith for now. I knew that plan once…I just have forgotten the little details. I know that one day it will all make sense and I will know what I once knew. I’ll remember my former existence and all those things that I’ve forgotten in mortality will be brought back to my remembrance.
I have lots of goals and things I want to accomplish this year. My list of personal makeovers is just about as long as the list of things that can’t all fit inside of my new purse….so I guess I’m just going to have to pick the essentials. New year’s resolutions are about looking toward the future with a renewed hope and faith.
2017 is going to be different…but just like the parking attendant’s question…
“Where you headed?”
I’m headed toward eternity. I’m headed toward new victories. I’m headed toward an improved, more polished, and refined Alyssa.
Here’s to 2017!! Cheers!